Early Morning Conlcusions
by Immirtal Z bomie
Summary: Allowing yourself to come to conclusions Early in the moring can be dangerous (contains SLASH! and disturbing things..be skeered)
1. Aragorn the ManWhore Theory

Aragorn-the-Man-Whore-Theory  
  
Author: Immirtal Z Bomie  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of the characters mentioned in this fan fic. This is merely a work of fiction, and does not claim to be associated with J.R.R.Tolkien in any way shape or form. O; SO PLEASE DON'T SUE MEEEE!!  
  
Warnings: Slash hints/suggestions. ...Psychoticness...oO;;  
  
Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, Heir of Isildur, King of Gondor, Chief Dunedain, etc etc...An honorable man, wed to the daughter of Elrond of Rivendell, Arwen Evenstar. Or is he? Have you ever asked yourself what EXACTLY he does when he wanders around Middle Earth aimlessly, on random quests? Probably not, but just pretend you have. One would think he would be free from temptation of forsaking his relationship with the lady of Imladris, on a sacred quest to destroy a doomed ring of power, surrounded only by men.   
  
Free from Temptation indeed! Not when you have Mirkwood's own Play-Elf cover boy, Legolas Greenleaf, in the party. And not to mention that in the 70's cartoon version of Lord of the Rings, he has NO PANTS (Aragorn that is). Yes, it's quite obvious by the looks given to each other in the movies that alot more than friendship is going on between those two.   
  
Now, Haldir of Lorien was mighty impressed with the mortal's ability to speak their native tounge, would it be no wonder that he seek out what else the mortal man can do with that tounge of this that seems to be so skilled in the way of languages? And not to mention that Haldir is one damn horny elf. The...erm..."bond" (one-night-stand-that-Aragorn-didn't-get-over) that the two share is quite obvious in The Two Towers. The hugging (which, by the looks of it, freaked Haldir out a wee' bit) the looks Aragorn gives him, the...Haldir trying to ignore the looks that Aragorn gives him.  
  
And then, there's also Eowyn. All those looks those two give each other are more obvious than Aragorn's obsession with dead people. My best bet is that he bedded this lady the first night he was there in Rohan. Then tried to pretend it didn't happen, and with all the looks of death from Aragorn's little Play-Elf Legolas, she dared not to speak of it. And I'm sure that somewhere behind all of the mud and dirt in Aragorn's mind (it seeped in through his skin), there is a screwed up logic in that King's head that makes all his decisions for him. and that screwed up logic said unto him...  
  
"y0! Estel! You got the chick, now get her uncle, y0 h0mie!! w00t!! Then all of Rohan will be in YOUR control!! You'll get all the dirt and elves you want, y0! Trust me, f00!"  
  
And he obeyed the logci's commands. Because he likes dirt. And he likes Evles. Everybody likes elves. But Aragorn likes them...TOO much. A wee' bit too much. Pervy Elf Fancier...(like ME! *sob* SO PROUD!! TT___TT!!) So after a while, he finally got alot of dirt on him, and a WHOLE LOTA' Elves! So he was happy. Very. Happy. And he screwed atleast half of those elves. Therefore, Aragorn-the-Man-Whore. 


	2. Elrond and the Case of the Cookies

Elrond and the case of the cookies  
  
Author: Immirtal Z Bomie  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of the characters mentioned in this fan fic. This is merely a work of fiction, and does not claim to be associated with J.R.R.Tolkien in any way shape or form. O; SO PLEASE DON'T SUE MEEEE!!  
  
Warnings: um...no warnings? Oh, watch out for completely OOC!Elrond, like...everyone else...in my...fics... o_O;; and if the thought of Pimp!Elrond skeers you a BIT too much...go away. Now. Or...waaaait, nevermiind.. *evil grin* READ ON MY PRECIOUSES!  
  
Lord Elrond of Imladris, a wise elf indeed. But after a while, an elf can only take so much respect. Now-a-days, poor Rondy is secluded in a tree house somewhere by himself. He often just wnaders around his house in his underware (frilly woman's lingerie of course) and his nice little tiara (headband thingy) but also wears a nice new dress on occassion. (dress=spiffeh red velvet robes he wore at the Council of Elrond in FotR.) He spends his time cooking, picking flowers and telling stories to his kitty. his favourite thing to bake is cookies. If no one's there to eat them, he'll just chunk 'em out the window. His kitty, of course, isn't of the feline kind. What ever random pretty boy from whatever television show or book he feels like. and everytime the crossover police come and take his kitty away. Most often the kitty is Draco Malfoy, from the Harry Potter series. all he does is eat the cookies, drink milk, and listen to stories while sitting in a bowl shaped chair that, when you sit in it, the sides of it go above your head. This chair has been dubbed "The Nest." A few sentences ago, I mentioned 'milk'. You must be wondering how he got this milk, and if not...then you're not. You see, there is a goat that roams around his place of dwelling. And at 3 o' clock in the morning, Elrond can be found waddling after the half-asleep goat. Running in a squatting position with his arms out he chases the poor goat 'till it just gives up and lets itself be milked.  
  
Sometimes, on rare occassions, Elrond leaves his tree-housey confinement and goes to the city for a lil' look-see. Of course, he can't go to town in his nice dresses, he wouldn't get any action that way! So when he goes to happy rainbow cars he wears his "COOL" tight (very tight) leather pants and any shirt with a NICE frilly collar, and to finish his look - a pair of SUNGLASSES!(*coughagentelrondcough*) And when he feels in the mood, he'll don his large purple hat with the long feather sticking out and drag his man-whore of a son-in-law down to 7th street and...well, play 'pimp' for the night. He'd make a few bucks, then go home and bake cookies agian.  
  
And there you have it. A once mighty lord of Rivendell turned into a cookie baking pimp. Sad, isn't it? Too bad. I'm not gonna go anything about it. 


	3. The Dramatic Hobbit

The Dramatic Hobbit  
  
Author: Immirtal Z bomie  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of the characters mentioned in this fan fic. This is merely a work of fiction, and does not claim to be associated with J.R.R.Tolkien in any way shape or form. O; SO PLEASE DON'T SUE MEEEE!!  
  
Warnings: Slashyness...and...VERY overly dramatic-ness. ...If you have a Frodo screen name in Yahoo, you're not allowed to read this. ...for my own protection agianst an overly dramatic hobbit (oh god, i know i'm going to die XDD!!lmao..)  
  
Author's Note: If you have a Frodo screen name in Yahoo, do not read this. _ if you do, you'll only be really pissed off at a certian person. XDDD lmao...*gets really scared to actually put this up on ff.net now* ai eru..XDDD  
  
Frodo. The most dramatic Hobbit of them all. Be forewarned about dealing with this delicate Hobbity, indeed. One wrong word will set him off, yelling at you, then he'll start to cry. Then sob. And run away. When paired with an equally dramatic Play-Elf Cover Boy, it can end up to be very drastic. Dramatically Drastic. Let's take a look at an example of this "Drammaticlly Drastic"ness  
  
"It can't be! IT JUST CAN'T BE!" Frodo wailed out at the elf. Legolas feel to his knees infront of the halfling, "What cannot be?" he asked the small one.  
  
"YOU DON'T LOVE ME! You belong with ARAGORN! He can take care of you better that *I* can!" Frodo exclaimed, the turned from the confused elf before him and ran away, sobbing uncontrollably. Legolas quickly lept to his feet and ran to the Hobbit and stopped him by the shoulder, dropping to his knees agian, stears streaming his fair face. "NO! No Frodo, I love YOU! And ONLY you!" The Play-Elf cover boy sobbed out. Frodo flung himself forward to cling to the sobbing elf, "LEGOLAS! I'm sorry Legolas! Forgive me!" Frodo cried out. "No, my love, *I* am sorry!" Legolas wailed out. They then proceeded to snog for the rest of the night.  
  
Well then...wasn't...that...sappy? Yes, lovely, i think that's enough dramatic Frodo for now. Now if you will excuse me I either need to either cackle or go hide under a random Gondorian's shield looking for protection from the on-comming Dramaticness that will happen if this is ever found...by...someone...that will...hurt me...o_o;;; 


	4. The PlayElf Cover Boy

Play-Elf Cover Boy.  
  
Author: Immirtal Z bomie  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of the characters mentioned in this fan fic. This is merely a work of fiction, and does not claim to be associated with J.R.R.Tolkien in any way shape or form. O; SO PLEASE DON'T SUE MEEEE!!  
  
Warnings: Slashy-ness, dramatic Frodo scene (agian, if you have a Frodo Yahoo screen name don't read this chapter, PLEASE)  
  
Author's Note: DON'T read this if you have a Frodo screen name in yahoo..~_~ don't ask why, I have my reasons. Very. Very good reasons. Now, if you want me to live please obey this command. O;; sorry to all you Frodo's you there that MAY want to read this (for some st00pid reason, go find a better fic to read *sulks*) and...yes...enough babbling..o_o must continue with the OTHER babbling...ness...  
  
Published thoughout Middle Earth, to lonley men and women everywhere, is Imladris LTD's very own Play-Elf magazine. From cover to cover, this magazine is chock full of pictures and atricles about pretty sexy male elves all over Rivendell, Mirkwood, and Lorien. Their main subject though is mostly he sexy, pretty, Prince of Mirkwood, Legolas Greenleaf. On the cover of every issue is this yummy elf, posing and spread across the page. All of the fellowship know of it (accept for a dramatically dense Frodo) and seem to have no problem with it. Everywhere that Legolas goes, he always flaunts his sexy pretty Play-Elf cover boy-ish-ness. Of course he gets paid more for doing so, and if ya' got it, flaunt it, as they say. Not sure who "they" are. Probably the owners of the magazine, Elrond and Thranduil.  
  
I know that calling Aragorn a man-whote and not Legolas is completely unfair. but look at it this way - first of all, he's an Elf not a Man. Second of all...he's gone beyond the whole 'whore' title. He is what he is. A Play-Elf cover Boy. And he's damn proud of that fact. and the fact that he has sexy thighs. Really sexy thighs.  
  
Of course Frodo knows nothing of this, not because it's being kept from him, but because he is dense. although it would probably be a good idea to keep that fact from him...the outcome could be destructive. Dramatically destructive. I can just imagine it now...  
  
"LEGOLAS!! LEGOLAS HOW COULE YOU?!" Frodo screamed out, then turned from the dramatically stunned elf and ran off sobbing. Legolas ran after him, tried to apologize dramatically, sobbed, they made up and snogged.  
  
But Frodo'd just keep on bringing it up, sobbing, and crying and running away every give minutes. So...best to just keep it from him..Yup. Good idea. Very. Good idea. 


End file.
